by Zak Smith
We know this about Western democracy: you can fuck beef. If you have a dick no-one can stop you from placing it privately in meat.
A cow certainly not. That would be a direct violation of section 69 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 and zooerasty. And according to section 70, you shouldn’t fuck the dead.
Here is the subtle point: adding necrophilia to bestiality doesn't make it ok but it does make it legal. This was the defence offered by a Canadian hunter who fucked deers – 'I shot them first'. He got off.
As an American and therefore an outsider I can say it is unfortunate your Prime Minister is British. If any GOP leader was caught fucking pig's faces their defence would be simple: ‘Of course I did. This is how we do things in the broad true red parts of this proud nation of which you effete journalistic elites know nothing: if you should come upon a slain hog, on your dusty ranch or while selling an economically-priced SUV or while enjoying legacy wealth with your family, you take its head and fuck its face. Otherwise why even have a country?’ And the electorate would simply absorb the new information that half the country fucks dead pig faces, then cry. That probably goes for Australia, too.More